I look at you all see the love there that’s sleeping…
Listening: Janis Joplin “Me and Bobby Megee”
Today’s Love: that first cup of coffee in the morning
Today’s Wish: for the phone to stop ringing!
A lot can happen in five days, I find. It’s funny how five days can take you across a ridiculously broad spectrum of emotions.
Gut-wrenching sadness…joy…sorrow…love…uncertainty….fear…..hope…shock…awe….satisfaction….want….longing….
It’s too much for my soul to handle sometimes. Life, death, etc. On the upside, I feel great. I feel better than I’ve ever felt, both physically and emotionally. I’m in a really good place right now, save for the blows that come to my soul…like three people dying over the weekend. That hurts. Or being made to feel like I’m not good enough…that hurts on a completely different scale. But I think it was Nietzsche who said something like, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” True enough, I suppose.
The thing, really, is that sometimes, I kind-of wish those blows really would kill me, just so I wouldn’t have to live with a dull pain in my heart. But a life without sorrow could barely be called a life at all. Even now, in all of my usual optimistic splendor, I am sad because I’m hurting in my heart. I’m hurting because I can’t find out any information about my friend who’s overseas and I am really really scared. I’m hurting because I’ve lost eleven people in the last five months (and no, I’m not counting Heath Ledger). I’m hurting because deep down, I really feel like I’m letting some people who are close to me down. I’m hurting because my mentor of the last five years is leaving and I’m afraid that I will be quite lost without him. This thing called life, eh?
Blah. Enough depressing stuff. I want to talk about the good, nay the great, things going on in my life right now.
Good Great thing 1:
I am no longer single. I was afraid that by blogging about it, that I would somehow be jinxing it, but here I am and there you are, so we’re past that. This new relationship has me smiling when I go to sleep and when I wake up. Sure, there are complicated times, but in the right here and right now…it’s working out for me, and I am ridiculously giddy. So…be happy for me!
Good Great thing 2:
I have rediscovered my love for playing music through my piano lessons with Dr. Deaver. Though I don’t get all the time in the world to practice as much as I want, I still go into his office every Tuesday with the hope that I can continually impress him with how hard I’ve been working to play better. And that kind of determination makes me feel great, because I haven’t felt like that in a long time.
Good Great thing 3:
I am no longer in charge of the training of new employees. Hallelujah, thank you Jesus! Once the honeymoon phase was over in June, I began to live in a constant state of stress and anxiety over my job. I was practically living on caffeine, I never slept, and I’m sure I wasn’t a very nice person, so if you caught me in a crappy mood over the last seven or eight months, I do apologize!
Good Great thing 4:
I look fantastic. If you haven’t seen me lately, take a gander. I am smokin hot, baby. You can quote me. Or quote Natalie. She tells me all the time 
Good Great thing 5:
The warm weather has arrived! *knock on wood* I’m seriously hoping that last weekend’s faux-apocalypse was the absolute last of the cold weather, especially since Spring Break is next week and I’m stuck here in Ada while Kassie and Catie are off saving the world one baby in Africa at a time.
Good Great times, mis amigos, great times.
Today’s Song:
Talking to myself and feeling old
Sometimes I’d like to quit
Nothing ever seems to fit
Hanging around
Nothing to do but frown
Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down
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